alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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