i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
