My cat gives me a boner
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
