I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
