That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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