Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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