How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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