I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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