do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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