I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
