Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
