I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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