Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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