Having a random hookup so left but love u
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
