he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
