i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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