Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
