you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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