he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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