i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
