Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
