After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
