I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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