You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
