It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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