If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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