im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
