Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
