I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i came on her dog
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
