imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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