I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're like the curious george of whores
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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