Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
