this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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