I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
