Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
