Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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