I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
