I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
