I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
