You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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