using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
