If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
