Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
