Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
