Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
