he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
