I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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