well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
