The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
zippers are such a cool invention
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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