Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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