the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
