he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
